Christina @ wocintechchat.com | Communication is key, you'll see

There are numerous online lectures, blogs, and posts that advise people to not be afraid to ask for help. However, very few, if any, touch on the reason why people are neglecting to do so in the first place.

When a person needs help but refuses to ask for it, the reasons in most cases are one of the following:

• Reluctance to show vulnerability
• Fear of owing people
• The lack of trust in people

While the first two are legit questions, they can kind of both be included in the third one. But, to explain the third one thoroughly and to give an answer, we can’t skip over them for they are the basics of mistrust.

Why are people reluctant to show vulnerability?

The urge probably originates from ancient times, while we were living in the wilderness. It is a basic natural instinct, a survival mechanic. Do not show that you are vulnerable, otherwise you will be attacked and your weak spots will be targeted.

It is a form of primal fear and it likely won’t go away anytime soon. But, while we can’t deny it, it is important to understand that humankind has solved this primal fear, and many like it by joining up in society. And, you can’t join up without admitting at least one vulnerability, and that’s the fact that you can’t do everything alone.

Ehud Neuhaus/Unsplash | Many friendships ended this way

Why are people afraid of owing somebody?

This fear is much younger than the previous, primal one, but it has been around for millennia for sure. In fact, this occurrence has come to be along with the birth of society. When people started helping each other and cooperating, the idea of debt and owing somebody was born as well.

But, as it is perfectly legit to ask for payment for your services or sacrifice in helping somebody, this type of fear today targets a different occurrence, and that is the fact that after helping us, some people might attempt to impose their will over us.

They may allow themselves greater freedom in a relationship with someone precisely because they think they have earned the right for that. Now, while this is a very slippery question, it is often abused and taken much further than fairness.

In truth, it is perfectly all right to accept someone’s help and then deny them the repayment they ask, if they impose something greater in value, or something you yourself cannot or won’t give. Help is given freely and with no expectation of repayment, or if so, then it should be specifically stated beforehand.

Why the lack of trust in people?

Now, after going over the two, it is perfectly understandable why there is a general lack of trust among people, even friends. Many people abuse many of the opportunities that come with socializing and communicating, i.e. society.

But, this should not be your concern, at least not in a way that you should then be reluctant in asking for help. One should know the subtle difference between being grateful and abusing the right to it, and you should be free in asking for help and denying the unfairly requested repayment if any.

Noah Silliman/Unsplash | Not including others in your life means isolation

Facing your problems without telling anyone means you are facing them alone

A wise man once said that if a baby wouldn’t cry, people wouldn't give it half of the attention they usually do. This is an unfortunate truth. When in trouble, whoever kicked, screamed, shouted, or called for help that person stood a chance of saving him or herself.

You know who doesn’t save him or herself - the one who is silently taking the punishment and the problems and pretending that everything is all right. Communicating with your environment is what we developed the languages for, so use them freely!